First few days post-chemo

Oh I was miserable on Wednesday, of course I was working a full 10.5 hour day so I got a little separation anxiety. Something I've been experiencing quite horribly since this whole thing started.

I cried on the bus to work a little. I sniffled as I shuffled my way through the dewy verge at the bus stop into the laundry room. I encountered colleagues who commented that I looked ill- something else which seems to have increased in frequency since my mum's diagnosis.

Poor momma, all alone and being injected with toxic drugs. Poor momma, sat freezing in her cold cap in an attempt to keep her lovely hair. And there I am at work, chatting with colleagues, laughing with customers, bustling about my day as normal.
Except not as normal, not to say my day was a fraction of the trauma of actually being put through chemotherapy, but the mental, physical and emotional drain that I myself was feeling was not a trifling thing. But to slash the risks of returning cancer then living through this is little beans.

Bless her, she's not felt very well since having the chemotherapy. Despite having to take a coffer of anti-sickness medications every day she says she feels hungover. And amen sister, we've all been there. Except in this case she hasn't been partying hard and having fun at all. Instead she's already been put through four months of hell, 2 months of post-surgery recuperation and a myriad of medical professional disappointments. She took to bed today after picking me up from work, I think I'm going to have to take getting to work into my own hands, either I work hours that fit my bus timetables (preferably shorter so I can be at home with her, making sure she hasn't fallen into a septic coma I think it's called...) But being laid up stresses her out, she's no mover and shaker, but no-one likes to be in bed because they have to be, it's the ultimate house arrest with a life-threatening disease thrown in for laughs.

Christ it's depressing.

No, I didn't go to the doctors, I figured there's nothing really wrong with me, except I'm a little sissy cry-baby who faints when she stares at the till too hard, shame that's my job I guess but I'm sure it'll work out just fine.

And I'm emotionally binge-eating. I can't go into details really, except I know I'm doing it and it must be taking me well over a healthy 2000kcal maximum intake per day. But I've recognised it, and tomorrow is different.

Here's hoping that my mum doesn't feel too shocking (considering she's been professionally poisoned) and that she's not lonely during the day; and also that I don't have any particularly dire customers, don't pass out at the till and most importantly at the moment- don't overeat.